And so it ends.

I have finally come to the end of the dissertation, and I guess as nobody reads this blog, the end of my blog as well.

I am now the proud owner of three bound copies of my dissertation entitled;

‘HYBRID HORROR: The Mutation of Modern Horror into a Hybrid Genre.’

A moment of genius at the last minute!

I am now so tired I feel physically sick, although I am glad that it is done and dusted, in the binding and ready to go three days early.

I’m considering going to get this research diary and the literature review bound tomorrow. I can not find anywhere that states it must be bound, but i rather like the idea of it now.

So here we are. Months of work at an end.

endless lists completed

strict word counts stuck to

tantrums tantrum-ed

strops stropped

panics panicked

thousands of words written

I just hope they’re any good!

Finding a Balance

It is hard for me to prioritise, at times,  between work and Uni.

On one hand Uni is important, cost far too much, and is nearly over.

On the other however, work is money, work is career, work is full time graduate job in 3 weeks.

I have worked all this weekend, 3pm until 1:30am on Friday. 3pm until 11:30pm on Saturday and 6:45am until 3:30pm today. NAKERED!

I only have a small amount of dissertation to do now, and after tomorrows last training session, I am off for nearly two weeks.

I worry that after this dissertation is handed in I wont want to do anything else.

It seems to mark an end to Uni for me, although I have three other deadlines after that one.

I am now panicking that I don’t want to start working full time, indefinitely, until i retire….or die!

I wish I knew what I was supposed to do when I grow up…

Hold on a second, that’s now!

I went to my first training session at work this morning for the new hotel computer software. slow start but got going eventually.

As Neil and I arrived at just gone 8:50am, we were greeted by my Manager ‘L’ and Neil’s employee ‘A’ (Neil is manager of nights)

A had worked the previous night and has therefore been at the hotel since 10:45pm the night before and L had arrived at 7am, so when they informed us that the training session was running 10 minutes late because we were waiting for the general manager to arrive, we had no reason to doubt them.

one very quick cigarette later the four of us were heading to be trained, L stopped off at reception the way to hand over keys. As Neil, A and I walked to the session, the man(ager) from hell walked past, looked me in the eyes and barked,

“IT STARTED AT 9, GET YOURSELVES UP THERE NOW!”

Now I have had many problems with this man, Ive written resignation letters, made complaints to my manager and even looked into taking them to court for sexual discrimination. I might add that I am one of many women who have consulted a lawyer for the very same reason.

Neil being protective of me, snapped

“who the Fuck does he think hes taking to?”

unfortunately, He definitely heard that bit…hope he didn’t hear the rest.

we trained hard for 4 hours with only one wee and coffee break to sustain us, and left at gone 1pm.

All I can say is thank God Neil left to drop A off at home.

“Go and Sit-Down, I need a word with you.” said a certain man.

I sat

I waited

I watched him walk past me 6 times and ignore me

I decided I was quitting

I overheard him talking to the BIG boss about me

I heard the Big Boss tell him I was really good in the training session

I heard the big boss say that he was 35 minutes late himself

I waited

walking past me, obviously now wondering what he can do with me. I might mention here that disciplinaries come out him like hot air, 99% of which have to be dropped as they are illegal.

He looked at me, put his hands on the table and said

“just a quick one”

i stared at his hands  and then looked him in the eye. He understood, either he was sitting down to talk to me, or i was standing up. I refuse to take his intimidation techniques.

He sat

“you were late this morning…”

I interrupted

“…actually i was here at just gone ten to, was told that it was running late as we were waiting on C.”

“who said that?”

…….”you did!”

the realisation on his face was almost comic as he clearly remembered telling L that earlier

“OK, well next time be there at 9 whatever the rumour is”

I was livid. My blood was boiling.

Should I tell Neil?

that problem solved itself when he came to pick me up.

“what took you so long?”

I’m a terrible liar, i tell the truth to Neil before my minds thought of the lie.

I told him everything

As i said before this isn’t the first time iv had trouble with him

“he cant pick on the little girl all the time. watch him sit me down! watch him try!”

little girl….i see his point, i am small…..but thanks!

“He can not speak to me as a manager like that in front of my staff!”

Very Very good point, and one i convinced him to pursue further.

All in all, i am now counting the days until i can hand in all this work to Uni, perfect my CV and get a new flaming job.

One where they allow me to join a union.

One where the sexist bully isn’t allowed to run free.

One where the owner doesn’t tell someone to hand in their notice or he will give them enough disciplinaries to fire them…because she is a lesbian. (the same happened to her girlfriend and month before)

One where there is a normal amount of stress, not one where I feel like a 12 year old at school where you know the same bully will be after you time and time again!

shame!

It is all bloody maths!

The Shining is now complete. 1,708 words – upper limit was 1,750 leaving me with 42 words in this category.

in total 219 words to play with.

Next step…re-watch Saw1. Going to be more difficult this time as there is no published literature. 1,750 words to write.

total completed = 6,081

upper limit for sections completed = 6300

end target = 10,000

Words to go = 3,919

Sections to write = 4                          Abstract – 250

                                                      Introductory Chapter – 700

                                                      Saw1 – 1,750

                                                      Conclusion – 1,000

                                                       Total= 3,700

Great Adaptations

I have just read an incredibly interesting essay on The Shining. After reading umpteen chapters on Stanley Kubrick himself and trying desperately to find anything relevant (although it is all quite interesting) to put into my dissertation, I came across a section called “Reconsidering Fidelity and Considering Genre In (and with) The Shining.”

Wish I had looked at this book first!

The bits on genre I already knew about, it was the basis of my dissertation and the reason why I chose this particular film, but the section on fidelity and Adaption Theory, that is adapting a novel to a film, was something I had not given much thought to.

While writing about The Exorcist it was something that came up, but was not focused on. William Blatty re-wrote his own novel into the screenplay was involved in every stage of the film making. although there were a few contentious issues relating to the graphic nature of the final product, most notably the pornographic and arguably paedophilic scenes involving Regan and a crucifix, the film suited Blattys ideas and needs.

As for The Shining, Stephen King will not put his name to the film and argues that Stanley Kubrick changed the message and essence of the film so drastically that he might as well have written it from scratch. Where King wanted to show Jack Torrance as an inherently good man,tormented by his temper and alcoholism which made him a target for the supernatural beings in The Overlook hotel, Kubrick was determined to suggest that the evil came from the man himself, rejecting the notion of supernatural beings until the very end of the film.

Is it right to change the basic message of a novel when translating it into film.Does the story become the property of the director or are they merely borrowing it for a while?

It would be an interesting related study to examine how the novels were adapted into screen-plays and in what ways, if at all, they were successful in doing so.

The Exorcist ended on 2,021 words. 271 over the allowance for that section, but still leaves me with 177 to play with.

The Shining written all but the quotes and a mini conclusion on Genre Criticism within the film.  Ended on 1,116 leaving me 634 words plus my 117 = 751 words to finish it off.

I’m almost tempted to be really childish and get it exactly to 10,000 words. too difficult tho

MUST REMEMBER

Italicise all tiles in The Shining.

Proof read next to Exorcist chapter.

Breakthrough

I have had a dissertation breakthrough.

It is now in 9 different word documents to help me keep to the incredibly strict table of word allowances iv created. so far I have 569 words to play with.

The Exorcist chapter was originally 4,768 words long. Having now deleted (put in another word document) everything but the conclusion I am down to 1,690 words. actually reads quite well, little editing needed.

I have always been a dreamer. Since I can remember I have dreamt almost every night and been able to remember them.

When I was young i used to have recurring nightmares, always the same three. Obviously very scary for a young girl, I believed that the witch living on my stairs must be real if i dreamt about her all the time, and as for Mrs.Bun who sits on the toilet while I’m in the bath then tickles me to death when I got out…I did not have a bath alone until I was 19.

OK, that’s clearly a slight exaggeration.

My point is that dreaming was something predicable in my life, and I soon learnt to recognise that I was asleep dreaming, but could control them. Not all the time, but most. I managed to tell the Witch on the stairs that

“this is my dream and I do not want you in it!”

she disappeared, after telling her that a few times, i never saw her again.

The worrying thing now is that I seem to be dreaming really vividly about things that scare me in the day; see my previous post “it gets into your head”

most recently I have been dreaming about syringes and being chased and attacked by a male heroin addict who wanted me to become addicted too! most disturbingly he attempted to rape me with the syringe before i kicked him in the head.

I might need some therapy!

I do not have a phobia of needles at all, never have, but when a man walked into the reception of the hotel I work at holding a used, bent syringe in his hand, i have to say i went a bit funny.

placing it on the counter he explained that he had found it right at the back of the car park and that he didn’t want to leave it there.

well of course not, children may fall on it of course…if they are allowed to play at the back of a car park that resembles waste land. it is much safer to bring it in to where hundreds of people, lean, balance their bags, slam their fists when they get pissed off etc.

I picked it up and put it behind the reception, the remains of a dirty brown substance inside seemed to have solidified a little. definitely not used by a diabetic.

it took the ‘managers’ 45minutes to remove the syringe, and when they did it was placed into a PLASTIC BIO-HAZARD BAG! not exactly sharps proof, i remarked while threatening to ring the council to have it removed. they lied to me of course about having a sharps container downstairs where they were going to put it.

we ended that conversation on “bullshit” from me and a  grin from them!

noradrenaline/ ‘nah’-adrenaline

Ive been waiting for a panic to set in with this dissertation.

I suppose it did for a while, when I sat down and wrote 8,000 words. But now that I have to sit here for hours deleting them, I really could not care less.

I suppose i’m annoyed that the word count has been lowered. The original website of guidelines which this blog is attached to, states that it should be between 10,000 and 12,000 words unless otherwise organised with your supervisor.

Unfortunately due to me asking for confirmation, my word count has now been cut dramatically. Gutted!

Along with that I have several other assignments that I also have lost all interest in. Its funny isn’t it, how when the degree looses all interest in us, we loose all interest it it.

so that’s where I’m up to at the moment. Sitting here killing editing time, thinking how different it would have been if I had only gone to do that Nursing Degree!

If only…

Over the hills.

Last week was a bit of an escape. I became totally put-off by the revelation that i had just wasted weeks reading and writing so much, and I couldn’t face sitting and deleting half of it.

So I had a week off… maybe not the smartest idea, but I enjoyed myself.

On Wednesday Neil and I drove to the peak district. Not far at all,  but a nice escape full of hills, sheep and rain. We stayed in a hotel nestled into the side of a hill (and covered in sheep). Quite a large hotel, full of business men. I was shocked to see a man, who I had told the week before,that we no longer had a room for him in our hotel and that he must find alternative accommodation. I of course helped him to find some, but the last I heard he was off to stay in a castle on the Wirral, not a hotel in the hills.

Needles to say I avoided his gaze and hope beyond hope he wouldn’t recognise me and want to chat!

We left the following day sleepy and a little disappointed about the weather, but all in all glad we got away. It took us about three hours before we looked at each other and said “should we just go back?”

Unfortunately this week will hold no great adventures, other than that into my pile of dissertation!

Wish me luck!